Why I Should Not Fall in Love With Kakashi
by vanyelashke89
Summary: An Argumentative Essay on Why I shall not fall in love with Kakashi. Written by Umino Iruka himself. Need I say more? Click and read on to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Something written for fun, laughter peace and joy. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kakashi nor Iruka. All that I can claim is the story line.

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**Title of Story: Why I Should Not Fall in Love With Kakashi  
Chapter: 1**

Iruka sat down on chair. He breathed in deeply --and exhaled. The classroom was empty, school had ended. Orange rays from the setting sun filtered into the classroom, bathing the stack of writing paper on the table in a soft orange glow.

Iruka took another deep breath-- and exhaled.

Setting his hands on the table, he meticulously checked his writing equipment. They were all in tip-top condition.

Good.

Iruka took up his pen, and then began to write:

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Title: An argumentative essay on why I shall not fall in love with Kakashi.

Hatake Kakashi or Copy Ninja Kakashi is a tensai shinobi who became jounin at the age of 13. A previous ANBU team member, Kakashi is proficient not only in taijutsu, ninjutus but also uses a smattering of genjutsu in combat. This tall, 27 year old ninja is a talented and powerful shinobi and although he is mysteriously attractive (despite the mask he wears constantly), there are very good reasons why one should not fall in love with him.

Firstly, despite having a good family background and attending the esteeemed Academy at Konoha, Hatake Kakashi does not comprehend the meaning of being on time. On the contary, one of the worst feature of his character is that he is always late. Not only is he late for appointments, missions but he is always handing in reports late, causing the shinobi at the mission table (which is usually me) much inconvenience. In addition, instead of apologizing for his tardiness, he comes up with several untruthful, unrealistic and pathetic excuse to explain himself. Such a bad habit should render him very unattractive and not at all a good partner in bed or in life.

Secondly, although Hatake Kakashi started out as a very serious, innocent and pure shinobi, his purness had undoubtly become contaminated over the years, of which much credit should go towards Jiraiya, author of _Icha Icha Paradisu_. Kakashi enjoys reading thedirty, pervetic and uneducational series of "_Icha Icha Paradisu_" of which the content is so grossly explicit that it should be kept at least a 100m radius away from any children under the age of 16. One would definitely not want one's lover to be a bad influence on the children. Moreover, Kakashi has no sense of propriety in public and would not hesitate to kiss and grope whenever and wherever he feels like. His perverseness also induces him to throw suggestive and inappropriate glances in broad daylight whenever he thinks no one is looking. A person who harbours such dirty thoughts all day long should be a disgusting person and one should steer clear from these type of people. As a result, it should be even more difficult to fall in love with such a disgusting and irritating fellow.

Thirdly, even though Hatake Kakashi is rumoured to be very proficient in bed and a very satisfying lover, he is such a mean bastard that one should think twice and even thrice before falling in love with him. Bastard, not referring to his illegitimacy (I assure you that he is definitely the legitimate son of White Fang, just look at his hair) but to his absolute meaness. For example, he molested Naruto on the first training they had! He had the nerve and audacity to poke Naruto in his ass, rendering him almost senseless in pain. Secondly, he neglected Naruto and Sakura in favor of Sasuke and even taught him the formidable jutsu -- Chidori. This act of favouritism is much frowned upon. Thirdly, he invades into my privacy and my personal space and laughs by standing so close to me and even backing me up the wall! And then he ignores my demands to release me and instead proceeds to _(here, the word "kiss" is hastily replaced by the word "ravish")_ ravish me! But it is not enough for him to see me mortified and shocked, he then laughs and insults my properness by calling me an "innocent!" This adominable attitude is more then enough to label him a bastard. It would indeed be a hellish nightmare to fall in love with such a horrible man.

Fourthly, there are many reasons to believe that Hatake Kakashi is suffering from emotional trauma and should be sent to a psychatrist with immediate effect. One of the reason is that he covers his face constantly with a mask. No one has ever seen him unmasked despite many heroic attempts. The mask is a sign of "cowardice", of not wanting to face reality, a mindset that by distancing onelf away from other people,one can prevent onelf from being hurt. Such a mindset is not healthy and it is reccommended that he receive help immediately. Secondly, after a traumatic mission (his first mission with his teammates as a jounin), Kakashi threw himself into the ANBU for many years, recklessly taking on high-risk missions and turning into an unrelenting workaholic. After which he suddenly stopped and the previously serious jounin suddenly had a personality crisis which turned him into the pervetic, lazy bastard he is today. These are signs of a person suffering from trauma and it is a verycritical condition. It would do one good to steer clear from a mental case and it would be weird to fall in love with someone suffering from severe emotional trauma.

In conclusion, Hatake Kakashi, a powerful jounin who is devastatingly attractive is someone one would definitely not want to fall in love with. His character flaws are unforgivable and despite the rumoured skillsof his talents in bed, it would be a bad choice to fall in love with someone who has such a bad character. Therefore, one should try very hard to resist the charms of this manipulative, handsome, exciting shinobi and settle one's sights on someone who is by far more safer and steadier.

THE END

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Iruka put his pen down. Crumpled pieces of paper littered the floor of the classroom, evidence of his struggles as he penned down this essay. 

Night had fallen and the classroom was dead quiet as most of the teachers had left the academy long ago.

Iruka should have been satisfied with his piece of work. He should have been glad that he had now concrete and credible reasons why he should NOT fall in love with Kakashi. Iruka should have been relieved that he had now a reason to refuse Kakashi.

Staring at the neat rows of handwriting on the paper, Iruka just felt strangely upset. He suddenly had an unexplicable, unexplainable, irrational urge to tear his hard work into small little shreds.

The door to the classroom began to move.

Startled, Iruka waited apprehensively for the intruder to show himself. He reached into his pouch for his weapons...

"Yo."

"YOU!"

Kakashi smiled from behind his mask. He strode into the classroom lazily, hands in his pocket.

Kakashi stood directly behind Iruka, staring at the pile of papers in Iruka's quivering hands.

He read the title.

"What a coincidence! I just completed something similar to that!" Reaching into his pocket, Kakashi took out a similar stack of papers and placed it in front of Iruka. He bent down and whispered teasingly into Iruka's ear, sending shivers down the chuunin's back. "Read it... I'm sure you'll like it."

Iruka bit back a moan at the sensations Kakashi was creating in him as Kakashi found his mouth and rewarded him with a deep, soul searching kiss. Iruka pressed closer, wanting to feel Kakashi's warm mouth and not merely the thin fabric of the mask...

"Go on... read it." Kakashi murmured softly into Iruka's swollen mouth.

Slightly dazed, Iruka complied.

The title was: An argumentative essay on why Iruka should and will fall in love with me -- Kakashi 

Iruka read slowly. He read with a critical eye, ready to point out any fallacy or any flaws in the argument. He grudgingly admitted that Kakashi was a talented writer. Iruka read the essay from top to bottom and then from bottom to top. He dissected it, he analyzed it.

At the end of it all, he looked up at Kakashi who was sitting on the top of his desk, trying valiantly to hide his anxiousness as he awaited the verdict.

"So... how did you like it?"

Iruka looked up at Kakashi. He stood up, not once taking his eyes of the jounin in front of him.

Iruka leaned forward and cradled Kakashi's face in his hands.

Iruka smiled.

"I think yours made much more sense then mine."

And then he kissed Kakashi soundly on his mouth.

Behind the mask, Kakashi's mouth curved into a grin.

Iruka was such an innocent, unsuspecting and trusting prey.

All the more why Iruka was so lovable.

And sexy... and hot... so very hot...

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Comments? Criticism? Suggestions? 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay. I finally got my butt out and started writing again. Apologies for the long absence, but I haven't been able to make the time and haven't got inspritation until today.

Thank you all so much for the reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

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**_A while ago..._**

Kakashi burst into Jiraiya's house and yelled, "Jiraiya! I need your help! Now!"

"Hnn?" Jiraiya raised an eyebrow lazily... _oh great.. just when the dream was getting to the really good part..._

"Jiraiya!"

"Okay I'm awake! No need to shout in my ear."

Kakashi huffed around impatiently while Jiraiya gave a lazy yawn. "Okay so what is so important that the great Kakashi cannot handle for himself?"

"It's Iruka! I was watching him from outside when I saw the title of the essay he's writing. It's about why he should not fall in love with me!" Kakashi groaned... "I need your help. I need to borrow your writing skills and write a counter argument to that before Iruka convinces himself that I'm no good for him."

"Hm..." Jiraiya scratched his chin thoughtfully. "And why should I do that? What good will it be for me? I won't loan out my services for free."

"Aww, come on, can't you see a man is desperate here? If I don't do something I will lose Iruka forever!"

"What if you have something I want?"

"What? If it doesn't harm me or anyone else I will give it to you."

"All of your surf babe posters!" Jiraiya said gleefully.

"No! You can't mean to take all of them...ahh... whatever... you can have them, but I want the essay written ASAP!"

"No problem" Jiraiya grinned. "This will only take a little while."

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An argumentative essay on why Iruka should and will fall in love with me – Kakashi

Hatake Kakashi is a powerful shinobi of great potential. Young, strong and handsome, he is definitely the most eligible bachelor in Konoha.

Although Kakashi is rarely on time, he always have very good reasons for his tardiness. This is because our jounin here has big eyes (make that a big eye) that is always looking for opportunities to help others with his big heart. In the mornings before training with his team commences, you can see him dashing around from street to street, helping grannies with their groceries and rescuing lost cats from trees. His inability to turn away anyone in need is the reason why he is always late for his appointments.

Many people discredit Kakashi because he reads the so-called unsavory _Icha Icha Paradisu._ However they fail to realize that he is actually analyzing the content of the book to ascertain if it is suited to be published within the walls of Konoha. He is actually sacrificing his reputation in order to ensure that the rich literature of Konoha does not get polluted by genuinely unsavory reading materials. So far, Kakashi has found the book highly entertaining and feels that it has the potential to be used as an educational tool in schools (perhaps as part of sex education).

Kakashi wears a mask because he is just too gorgeous for his own good. Were he to show his face and walk around Konoha, he would be constantly mobbed by an entire gang of male and female admirers. Therefore, to prevent social unrest, quarrels and fights that may erupt from his fans, he has decided to sacrifice comfort and don a mask to hide his stunning face. Besides being good-looking, Kakashi is also fantastically good in bed, life with this jounin will be passionate, pleasurable and a whole lot of fun.

Kakashi also happens to be one of the most powerful jounins in Konoha. Not only has he inherited his ancestors' talents, but he has also mastered the powerful _chidori_. Intelligent and quick witted, he had been on numerous missions and is a huge asset to Konoha. With a strong warrior by your side, one is guaranteed to feel protected and secure.

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"Hey! I'm not done yet!" Jiraiya yelled as Kakashi snatched the paper from under his nose... 

"Forget it, I've decided I want to finish up the essay myself." Kakashi rolled up the essy and ran off.

"Right... But you still have to give me all your posters as payment!" Jiraiya called after the retreating figure.

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_**Continuation of the essay**_

Despite all his strength, Kakashi desperately needs someone who can bring some order and normalcy in his life. Prone to bouts of depression and having a habit of talking to stones, Kakashi needs someone to constantly remind him not to live in the past and that talking to stones is a bad idea. Having lived through much bloodshed and risk in his life, Kakashi needs someone who can show him that there is still hope and life in this world.

And perhaps the best reason why Iruka should fall in love with Kakashi is because this jounin has already fallen hopelessly in love with Iruka. Kakashi has a major crush on Iruka, he loves the sexy brown hair, he loves the bright pink blush, he loves the way Iruka cares for each and every one of his students. But most of all, he loves the way Iruka takes joy in life. And Kakashi wants to know what it is like to live, happy and free like Iruka.

Kakashi wants to make Iruka smile, he wants to make Iruka laugh, he wants to be the one to light up Iruka's eyes. He wants to love Iruka fully and freely and he wants Iruka to love him back. He wants to take care of Iruka and protect the teacher from harm. Kakashi wants to give himself to Iruka and let Iruka take care of him. Because life is so short and unpredictable, and Kakashi wants to do all these before it is too late.

And because Kakashi knows that even if Iruka doesn't love him back, he will love the chuunin until the day he die.

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_**Much later...**_

"You didn't write the essay yourself." Iruka mumbled sleepily into Kakashi's ear as he curled up closer to the jounin.

"No, I didn't. Not the entire thing anyway." Kakashi shrugged. "But does it matter?"

"No, it doesn't. I just like the parts you wrote much better than the parts Jiraiya wrote." Iruka sighed softly as Kakashi pulled him close.

"Yeah... me too." Kakashi smiled and kissed Iruka's forehead.

As Iruka drifted off into a dreamless sleep, he realized that deep down inside, he had always known he will fall in love with this jounin. Maybe it had started from the very first day he laid his eyes on that mysterious silver haired boy in the school playground...

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That's all! Thank you very much for reading! 


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